Family succession is often described as a practical challenge: who will lead, who will own what, and when the transition should happen. From the outside, it can seem as though families who struggle with succession are simply unprepared, disorganised or avoiding reality.
Yet, many families who find succession emotionally difficult are, by most measures, functioning well. Relationships may be close, values shared, and intentions genuinely good. And still, conversations stall, tensions rise, and decisions feel heavier than expected.
This is not a sign of failure. It is a sign that succession touches something deeper than logistics.
Psychological research on families consistently shows that families are not just collections of individuals, but emotional systems. Over time, these systems develop familiar roles, communication patterns, and ways of managing stress. These patterns are often invisible because they work reasonably well – until something major changes.
Succession is one of those changes.
From a family systems perspective, transitions like succession increase emotional pressure across the entire family. Roles that once felt stable are questioned. Authority shifts. Expectations – often unspoken – come closer to the surface. Even families that avoid open conflict may experience heightened anxiety during these periods.
Importantly, this anxiety does not necessarily arise because something is going wrong. It arises because the system is being asked to reorganise itself.
In this sense, emotional discomfort during succession is not an anomaly. It is a predictable response to change.
For founders or parents, succession can quietly challenge identity. Leadership is rarely a role; it is often tied to purpose, competence, and self-worth. Letting go can feel less like a decision and more like a loss – even when transition is wanted.
For adult children, succession can stir competing emotions. There may be pride, excitement, or gratitude alongside anxiety, resentment, or self-doubt. Some may feel pulled toward responsibility; others may feel relieved at staying outside, mixed with concern about how that choice will be interpreted.
Siblings may find themselves comparing contributions, recognition, and opportunity – sometimes for the first time since childhood. Old dynamics, long dormant, can re-emerge under the pressure of decision-making.
What often surprises families is that these reactions occur even when relationships are loving, and intentions are clear. The difficulty does not come from a lack of goodwill, but from the emotional weight of change itself.
When families assume that succession should be straightforward “if everyone gets along,” emotional reactions can feel confusing or even shameful. People may silence concerns to avoid appearing ungrateful or disloyal. Others may push for quick decisions in the hope that clarity will reduce discomfort.
Paradoxically, these responses often increase tension.
When emotional reactions are framed as personal weaknesses or interpersonal failures, families miss the opportunity to see the broader pattern at work. Understanding succession as a systemic emotional process allows families to replace self-criticism with curiosity.
Rather than rushing toward solutions, it can help to pause with questions such as:
What feels emotionally harder about succession than we expected?
Which conversations seem to carry more weight or tension?
How might our family’s usual way of handling stress be shaping this process?
What losses (or roles, certainty, identity, etc) might be present alongside practical decisions?
These are not questions that require immediate answers - their value lies in reflecting on them, individually, or together.
Family succession is emotionally hard, not because families are fragile, but because they are deeply connected. A change in one part of the system affects everyone.
Seen this way, emotional difficulty is not evidence that something is broken. It is evidence that the transition matters.
Understanding this does not remove the challenges of succession, but it can make them easier to approach with patience, compassion, and realism. And often, that shift alone can change how the entire process unfolds.
This article is part of the Behind the Family Charter series, exploring the psychology that shapes family succession.
The series sits alongside the work of Peter Craven, who supports families in developing family charters as part of succession planning.
© 2026 Hazel Craven. Please credit the author if sharing.
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